Dear all,

I have been clicking away for over two years now and felt it was time to write in and say how things are going as I have been lurking for the last year or so trying to catch up reading all the great mails on this list (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/clickryder).

I was going to wait until I was right up to date reading all the digests but I find it impossible to read them selectively as every mail has something of interest and even the off topic messages are very informative. When I first joined reading Sharon’s posts it felt like coming home. I never thought that I would venture into touching a horse’s mind (thank you Holly) or venturing into the realms of going barefoot (special thanks to Kim). Mostly, it was essential also to keep reading so that my mind remained in tune to correct thinking – i.e. logical and systematic - as opposed to emotional – Aaaaargh he’s not doing it, he doesn’t love me anymore, waahaah!!!

Apologies in advance for the length of this epistle. I did do several edits but each time seemed to add more than I took away so have resolved to just leave it as it is before it turns into a dreary book!

Bilbo, my 17 years young Welsh x TB gelding was home reared and backed (with some difficulty) by his owner. Due to lack of time (pregnancy and small child – the owner not Bilbo) he then had a short spell at a local riding stable when he turned 5 under strict instructions that only instructors and trainee instructors were to ride him. Unfortunately, he returned home again a few months later labelled as ‘dangerous’. Mostly, his trouble was that he would buck when he was scared, confused, pressured….

Once home he was lightly hacked out, but after one particularly hairy ride he was sent to a trainer. There are still some hairy stories floating around of Bilbo throwing himself onto the floor to try and rub her off his back but she did manage to straighten him out. Unfortunately, the change did not last and a few years later his owner finally gave up on riding him.

Enter me! The advert in the paper was for another horse, which had already gone but for some reason she let me come and ride him, plus he came very cheap! At first I was happy to just be passengered around. I got a bit scared sometimes as I had no control and was largely a reactionary rider but since I dared not escalate the pressure and just tended to sit tight and wait we kind of worked things out. I even felt quite cocky riding the horse noone else could!

UNTIL I decided it was time to learn something more about riding (probably so I could show off my prowess). One day when my instructor rode him she came off and ended up with a cast on her foot. Then there was the day I was trying out a new saddle, which sat differently on the horse so my seat was not as stable, plus it was very windy and there was this funny noise coming from next door, PLUS my attitude may not have been the best that day….. I am a slow learner and hit the deck 3 times before giving up. Not being able to get back on meant I could not deal with it emotionally and it still replays in my mind whenever I enter a school, which is very infrequently now.

Time to try PNH – Ouch again! With waning confidence in myself I put too much trust in the system and ignored the signals of malcontent (not that I could understand them then anyway) my horse gave. To make things worse my new NH instructor fell off twice in one session also – I did not like where this was going. If I was supposed to be learning from these people and they were having trouble…

Finally, after a year of HELL I came to try ct. WOW what a big change. Suddenly everything was slowed down and controlled and we were both on the same side working as a team. For the first time I started to appreciate how easy or hard my horse found it to read what I wanted and how easy or hard it was for him to remember certain things.

Once firmly enmeshed in C/T, I went through all the phases of firstly completely rejecting all other disciplines particularly PNH but soon realised that much of the blame rested firmly on my shoulders and that I needed the other disciplines also. Then I refused to use any form of force at all – which seemed to confuse my horse as all signals became fuzzy and unclear but did go a long way to re-establishing trust. In the beginning, I would not C/T enough and made the steps too big leading to frustration and emotions, which we both had not properly learned to control. Then, until uhmmm this morning? (VBG) I have been going through the (much longer) stage of treating too much for too little – I think to make up for 6 years of being deaf and dumb, obstinate, and sometimes downright nasty.

One unexpected result was that my nervous, reactive alpha cob also became friendlier with other horses. I think he must have been copying me out in the field because I caught him give another horse a ‘kiss’ on the nose?

Then there was the time in the beginning, when I went round telling everyone what a wonderful method I had found and how everyone should try it on their horses – which of course fell on deaf ears and I got comments like ‘WE don’t need that sort of thing!’ No wonder – why should you believe anyone who tries to ride a horse with bits of string and is then surprised when it doesn’t work? So now I just keep quiet although I do still warn people that I practise C/T to warn them that the brakes might suddenly come on.

But, then, last weekend for the first time I convinced someone to at least try it. As far as I know he did indeed set off for the stables clutching my rusty (yup, spelling correct) clicker. Time will tell.

This winter Bilbo has been at his absolute best. Whenever we felt scared we worked through it step by step and had no blowouts. The touch the goblin game is his favourite although he likes to take it into new realms of touch the strange stone in the wall, unusual object on the ground…..

One day his owner began to take notice and remarked that he was so calm he must finally be getting old. At that time we had been practising trying to stay in walk when other riders canter as I normally find it hard to keep his attention when cantering. Moments later the other riders cantered off and he tried so hard to stay in walk that we really did get a long way behind, much more so than I had intended. When he noticed he was alone and I asked him to canter on to catch up he showed some of his old style in aerial ballet and the TB in him galloped off and overtook them. The look on her face spoke volumes, ‘Did you say OLD?’ I said.

I have finally resumed having lessons to get rid of that foetal riding position that being scared puts you in. Alexandra came by in Lancashire and gave me a lesson plan for dealing with the ‘scary corner’ in the school and I am now set to start working in the arena again. Maybe we will finally inspire more C/Ters in this area when we get good at doing some more acceptable dressage tricks. I had my first lesson Wednesday night and my teacher was impressed with Bilbo’s level of concentration and softness . Thank you for all those who have posted of their experience of lessons with non-C/T trainers. I now know to leave the C/T for our private sessions and just concentrate on the lesson to learn as much as I can.

I apologise for the long ramble and you are probably thinking ‘But what has she accomplished? Did she win lots of prizes? Get really good at some particular type of riding/horse handling? What?’ But the answer is none of these things. Sure the horse has made great strides and he is probably safer to ride than he has ever been but the greatest change has been in me. I feel as though I am the finder and keeper of the Holy Grail. If anyone out there is wavering about using C/T on their horses remember that this is a journey not just of the physical but also spiritual development of both horse and rider. That is not what I was looking for but what I have found anyway.

Thanks again for all your help over the years.

Carin & Bilbo Baggins
West Yorkshire, UK