Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died from heart failure early in the new
millennium. No one really knows how old he was since his birth records were long
ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service in
schools, hospitals, homes, factories and offices, helping folks get jobs done
without fanfare and foolishness.
For decades, petty rules, silly laws and
frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with
cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, the early
bird gets the worm, and life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple,
sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting
strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in
second (or even last, as long as your best efforts were given).
A veteran of
the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological
Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including body
piercing, whole language and "new math." But his health declined when he became
infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus.
In recent
decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing
regulations. He watched in pain as self-serving lawyers ruled good people. His
health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero tolerance
policies, reports of six-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing a
classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a
teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student.
It declined even further
when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but
cannot inform the parent when the female student is pregnant or wants an
abortion.
Eventually, Common Sense lost his will to live as churches became
businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges
stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional sports. Finally, a
woman who was not smart enough to realize that coffee is hot, and was awarded
a huge payout for her stupidity, caused Common Sense to finally throw in the
towel.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust; his
wife, Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is
survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his
funeral because so few realized he was gone.
